Sasha Johnson, MS. LPCThe Importance of a Father-Daughter Relationship When a Women is Seeking a Healthy Romantic Relation
As the dating world spirals, I have realized that every individual has not had the liberty of experiencing a healthy relationship with their father. The world expresses the father-daughter bond as a lovable, protective, and honorable relationship. The truth is that some fathers inflict pain, unbalanced emotions, fear, and unsettled issues on their children. Fathers have a powerful impact on the development of their children, whether they participate in their child's life or not.
Within the African American community, we are not allowed freedom of speech or opinion to express our emotions in a healthy space. Emotional cutoff is quite common due to the lack of being able to have effective communication in the family unit. The setting of healthy boundaries is frowned upon and seen as disrespectful and disgraceful. This guides the children to blame and personalize their issues for their father's lack of collaborative efforts to form a bond on themselves. It is appalling to see how the experiences of unfortunate circumstances embark on the emotional disconnect children suffer as they claim life role formation. Fathers are the foundation of the visualization that we have in life. Parents form their children, but we possess the power to develop our own lives.
Daughters tend to form their idealization of how a man should treat a woman from their father. Commonly, a daughter might see perfection and label their father as their knight in shiny armor. What about other perspectives? Could external factors be a significant factor? How can you examine the correlation of an unhealthy father-daughter relationship with fear, insecurity, and unstable romantic relationships? These factors could impact self-esteem and self-confidence and cause significant insecurities. Lack of a purposeful relationship with the father can encourage limitations on positive coping capabilities and the ability to emotionally relate to other male relations. She is now settling for less than she deserves, setting restrictions due to inferiority, accepting unhealthy relationships, and lacking a successful self-love relationship.
Blame and believing this is what I deserve
It would be best if you did not blame yourself for the choices made by others, such as your father, which formulated a toxic father-daughter relationship experience for you. This tends to happen when the father has not had a healthy relationship with his mother and then turns into using a parenting style of familiarity. A healthy connection with your parents is warranted to gain love, compassion, and natural supports as a gift from your parent relationship experiences.
Being insecure is comfortable
A father-daughter relationship that is fueled by fire and pain can heighten insecurities. The lack of support and connection with a parent can lead to feelings of neglect, avoidance, and inadequacies. A lot of women dismiss their emotions and become hardened when in romantic relationships or dating due to finding less comfort in depending on or trusting the other sex. Sometimes, this can lead to more comfort in a same-gender relationships, promiscuity, and choosing to be alone.
Alpha woman and "I am going to get you before you get me"
Unfortunately, it is not foreign for fathers to be absent in their children's lives. So, this has built a community of strong women or what some may label as "alpha women." These women tend to take on the role of the male and female in their lives. It has promoted the strong women's mentality with a strong push on feminism, other sexual options, and even the ability to reproduce without committing to a man. In marriages, you often see these women that have had unhealthy relationships with their fathers, and they become competition for their partners. Instead of feeling comfortable in traditional relationships or marriages, they tend to be in control and rule over their men, causing them to become beta men. These women try to win in disagreements, scrutinize their partners for making less money than them, and lack practical compromise.
I am optimistic that you will be able to separate yourself from the pain caused by fathers and create a positive life. Through the pain you have experienced, you can form power, strength, and openness. Becoming vulnerable to your experiences and reframing from denial can help you better understand that you are deserving and worthy. I hope you take your knowledge and choose to break generational curses by implementing healthy relationship experiences for your children. Remember to forgive yourself, find peace of mind and free yourself from turmoil because you deserve better treatment.
About the author:
Sasha Johnson, M.S. LPC, NCC is a licensed mental health therapist, innovator, author, and motivational speaker that is focused on inspiring and encouraging individuals in the focal areas of trauma, mental health, domestic abuse, healthy relationships, and sexuality. She has been recognized on platforms such as WSFA News, SHEEN Magazine, Afroelle Magazine, WEAREJERSEY Magazine, VoyageATL and many others. She provides and is known for offering mental health awareness trainings to the police force, facilitating empowerment forums, behavior health coaching and mentoring. She is a fighter and survivor of spousal abuse and low poverty-stricken trauma, which allows her to provide an organic experience, support and awareness to individuals affected by life’s traumas.